The D Word

Divorce.

My step dad doesn't think he and my mom can last. He believes that they are headed on a bad path. Not a biblical one. And...I think I may have spurred the argument. How? Well me and...let's call him....Bob. Bob and I don't really get along at times. Like everyone you know. I am 19 and I feel like everytime I am home from college I am placed in the position of Cinderella. As they have both explained to me, I don't/didn't have a job (Though actually I just got one) and I am around the house. However, I still felt the pressure. Well...yesterday I said some things to mom (who has been feeling like she is placed in the middle) and I think she brought that up to him...and I think it started this.

Let me give you some background

(in list form)

1. my dad died when I was 10 of Melenoma

2. Bob came around when I was 14, at first wanting to be "Friends" With my mom

3. Bob and mom were highschool sweet hearts before my dad.

4. Bob and Mom started dating (I entered "Psycho Bitch" mode)

5. Mom and Bob got married one year later (I exited "Psycho bitch" mode while my brother, sister-in-law and sister still stayed in a semi-angry mode)

6. Sister moves out because she and bob can't get along (Well she's really kicked out)

7. Turns out gettin kicked out is good for sister.

8. I develope Trichotillomania in the 10th grade (so when I was 15).

-Trichotillomania is... well, here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichotillomania

yes I really pull out my hair. It's shaved right now.

9. I am, obviously, trying to get rid of tricho.

10. I feel like Cinderella.

11.I go away to school. Don't have the tricho until good ol' finals. Then it sticks with me.

12. I come back and things have changed. Brooke, get a job. Brooke, wake up at 7 am. Go out with your friends. But first wash the windows...do this and that. I begin to resent living here.but I still push on because I love my family.

13: I have trouble letting people in because I have a fear of being abandoned ever since my dad so this divorce idea isn't helping that side of my issues.

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Enough issues to cover next month's Vogue issue?

I know.

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Anyway, I don't know what to do. Praying is a good start. Oh, that's right, I am Christian. I am positive and energetic, as well as hopeful and (I try to be) Faithful to God.

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What do I believe?

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Divorce isn't necessary. I think this family needs to have better communication. I need to tell Bob what's going on. Bob needs to tell me. We need to tell mom. We need to have a huge discussion. We need to get through all of these issues. Together. God, lend us your strength. We can do this...I hope.

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Well...That's all I am going to talk about right now. Sorry for the downer. You wanted into my world. Into my head. Well, here you go.